"Madness is by Definition . . ."

"Madness is by definition an inability to share conventional meanings" (Brummett 160).

I find myself confronted by madness everyday. It's not a madness requiring institutionalization, but a madness impairing my ability to communicate "normally." I've always struggled to maintain and become normal to the detriment of my own personality. At this point, I'm not sure who I am other than the eternally nice and sweet. The best way to avoid being noticed for being abnormal is to stay quiet. When I tell others about my strange musings, I am, "Thinking too hard" or "Worrying too much."
When I'm not able to articulate my thoughts and feelings, they manifest themselves in tears in public places. I found myself sitting with a mentor I admire greatly with tears rolling down my face for no reason. Again, a few days later, in a meeting with colleagues and I could not stop the uncontrollable weeping.
I share meaning through my emotions. Others know how I feel about something before I've even processed a situation because my face reacts instantaneously. This forces me to think about what my face is doing at all times. When I let my guard down, I have to explain away the look.
The biggest hurdle I face is my constant battle with Depression. If I'm careless with my medication, Depression emerges. I suddenly feel as thought I should give my particular type of Depression a name. It seems as though she is a foe I have to go toe-to-toe with. She doesn't allow me to be lazy. When I am lazy, she conquers every aspect of my life.