Anyway, I also think this would be a good outlet for me to express my insecurities and suspicions about the things I think people are saying and thinking about me. I don't know if they are true, but it plagues me that people are talking and thinking about me. Given how much this bothers me, I don't know why I decided to become a teacher. When you teach, you have a whole room of people actively staring at you and thinking about what you are saying and doing. Then, when you leave and they leave, they talk about you and your class. I desperately want to make people happy all of the time, but I can't. This is another source of frustration.
Lately I've been feeling so powerless. Everything in the world seems to be going to hell and I can't do anything about it. I'm not sure where this sense of powerlessness comes from because I think I used to feel as though I could take on the world. There are so many things that need fixing and that I actively want to fix. But I can't do all of the things at once. I need to make a decision. This inability to focus is bothersome to me. I want to do all of the things. I guess I could start by listing the things that I want to change and are bugging me.
1) Fracking
2) The environment and climate change and global warming
3) human rights abuses and globalization
4) apparently plastic is super bad
5) I don't recycle and I should be doing that. I'm terrible.
6) My house is dirty. Like really bad. But I'd rather sit in filth than clean.
7) Fatness and girls with low self-esteem
8) Poor people. Homeless people. People without health insurance.
9) Evil employers who are cutting hours because they don't want to provide health insurance.
10) Factory farms. I feel like these are bad. But I still eat meat. Meat is delicious.
11) Animal cruelty. I want to adopt every abandoned animal and I can't.
Is that really it? It seems like I constantly have these thoughts buzzing around in my head. And then the powerlessness seeps in. Oh, I forgot one
12) the goddamn sequester
No matter how much I want things to change, I feel as though I can't do anything to change them. I don't know where this comes from. It is so irritating.
I'm also looking for a job right now.
I'm not really sure what I'm doing with my time. This semester went by so fast. I just have to
Okay, I just got a Facebook message from someone because I also need to start working on my teaching philosophy. Which makes me think that I should ask my husband about his evidence of effective teaching portfolio which reminds me I need to find my statistics from the class I taught last semester. And I got 2 shitty reviews from students.
So, this semester I just have 1 paper left and a presentation and a final test thing.
This is a lot. I'll write more tomorrow about my job search and my time and lack of time.
13) Oh and Guantanamo
13) Oh and Guantanamo
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